But then there are all these archives of nonsense, insightfulness, memories, confusion, quotes and so much more that I recorded at some point and this messy, bad, decent, ok, good and terrible collections are what make up my journey and thoughts... and so I leave it, and once in a while return to re-read, laugh at what I had thought at one point but also I get encouraged and surprised about things I thought about and wrestled with in my soul. It's good and healthy (in a broken sort of way).. and so I keep this.
So here is some of my updated wrestling and thoughts as we enter Lent today (Feb. 15, 2018) ... I have never been very good at Lent, that is I have great aspirations and intentions of observing Lent in the most "spiritual" way, but so often fail on these intentions and aspirations, and frustrate my self and get so absorbed into my self in the midst of a time where my journey ought to lead me to death, burial and most importantly the resurrection of Jesus. So today, I promise nothing, that feels so unspiritual to even type. But I promise nothing. I will muddle and remember and write and read and look up and cry and laugh and get mad and get up and sit down. I will live freely and love freely and I will embrace the fact that all is spiritual and that Jesus just loves me... and you and us and them.
The practice of resurrection is an intentional, deliberate decision to believe and participate in resurrection life, life out of death, life that trumps death, life that is the last word, Jesus life.-Eugene Peterson
art by Makoto Fujimura, Walking on Water