Monday, July 31, 2006

Estrogen Dampens the Holy Spirit

Estrogen Dampens the Holy Spirit By Matt Mikalatos
via Andrew Bregen

Scientists at the Christian Science Institute (CSI) announced today that estrogen diminishes the flow of the Holy Spirit. “This is a shocking find,” said Ron Boldbee, head scientist at CSI. “And I would like to add before we go any fur¬ther that we are not in any way associated with Christian Science (the religion) or CSI (the television shows).”
Boldbee went on to describe CSI’s ground-breaking work. “For centuries, Christians have used the Bible to argue about the role of women in the church. Here at CSI we thought it was time to turn to science for a definitive answer.
The CSI experiments involved three phases. In Phase One, women were injected with a high dosage of estrogen and then asked to become “filled with the Spirit” using Campus Crusade for Christ’s “Holy Spirit” booklet.
In a nearby room, a group of testosterone-infused men were asked to do the same thing.
The women seemed to be doing well at first. “They were crying and confessing their sins,” Boldbee said. “The men were just sitting there staring at the booklets, flipping through them again and again as if they couldn’t read.”
Boldbee found traditional scientific instruments did not reveal much about the level of Holy Spirit activity at that moment. “I did drop a Bunsen burner, though,” he admitted.
In Phase Two, both groups were asked to deal with a difficult church situation. Before they engaged with the sit¬uation, a second dosage of hormones was injected. The situation involved a man claiming to be homeless coming to the church and asking for money.
“The women took some time to pray as they read about the situation. Then they started crying again.” Boldbee said. “We weren’t sure what to make of this.“The men had a much holier response. They told the man to get a job because ‘he who doesn’t work, doesn’t eat.’ Now that’s what Jesus would do.”
In Phase Three, a Third Wave Pentecostal minister entered the room, administered more hormones and prayed with a laying on of hands. The women, many of whom came from conservative churches, seemed uncertain of what they were meant to do. They thanked the minister for his prayers and he left.
The men, on the other hand, experienced a real outflow of the Spirit upon receiving their third injection of testosterone.
“I have never seen such pandemonium,” Boldbee said. “One man bit another one on the shoulder, after which there was a sort of free-for-all. We had to break into the room and administer sedatives. At one point, I think a man was speaking in tongues. At least, I had never heard language like that before.”
The ministry implications of this experiment threaten to tear at the very fabric of Christian society.
“Now we know why God in His infinite wisdom never wanted women to be pastors,” Boldbee said. “The lessened ability to experience the Holy Spirit cripples women as leaders and as Christians. We are so fortunate that the Lord chose to hardwire them with the ability to be good mothers and wives without the power of the Spirit~Boldbee said he imagines a day when any potential pastor would be tested for their estrogen levels, or seminary classes would require a shot of testosterone before class began, much as is already being done at Southern Bapust Theological Seminars- in Louisville. Ky
“The applications are endless,” he said. - For now we need—for the sake of the church—to remove women from leadership and service everywhere.
When asked for her response to CSI’s forthcoming report. the Rev. Alicia Lockwood said because of low estrogen and my cycle, I don’t trust myself to comment charitably” Lockwood added, however, that she would be interested to see a similar study done on men who deal with issues of pride. alcoholism or lust. “I wonder when a godly woman begins to outperform a backslidden man,” she said.
Boldbee hopes to submit his official report to the CSI board this week as soon as his wife finishes typing up the notes.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

9.5 these on listening to preaching

9.5 theses on listening to preaching

1. Preparing. You must prepare because you may prepare. God is about to gift you with the gospel! Although you can do nothing to be ready for it, you must do everything you can to get ready for it. You rightly expect the preacher to prepare before he preaches – and he rightly expects you to prepare before you listen. No lazy jerks in pulpit or in pew!

2. Expecting. When the preacher speaks, God will speak – to you: that must be not only your hope but also your expectation. So what that the Rev. Bloggs is errant and inept? The power of the sermon no more depends on the excellence of the preacher than the effectiveness of the eucharist depends on the character of the president. Treasure comes in cracked clay jars. Homiletics too is theologia crucis.

3. Focusing. More precisely, attendre, which is a “waiting” as well as a “centring”. This is never easy, but in contemporary culture, where the word has been displaced by the image and most people have the attention span of a gnat, it is harder than ever. Assume the same posture for the sermon as you do for prayer: resolute yet relaxed. Then fasten your seatbelt. (All churches should come equipped with seatbelts.)

4. Discerning. There is, of course, no guarantee that God will speak to you through the preacher. The preacher may come with gold, or with fool’s gold. You must test the spirits – which means that you must be critical. You must listen not only to the Word but also for the Word – which means (as the Reformers taught) that you must distinguish between Bible and gospel.

5. Praying. Critical intelligence is a necessary condition for listening to the sermon, but it is not a sufficient condition for hearing the gospel. Only the Holy Spirit can give us the ears of evangelical faith and understanding. “Veni, Creator Spiritus!” Epiclesis is as crucial in the ministry of the Word as it is in the ministry of the sacrament.

6. Dying. “When Christ calls us, he bids us come and die” (Bonhoeffer). Every act of worship is a funeral. In the sermon the preacher hereby notifies the congregation that it is dead and buried – an ex-people. This is not a metaphor, this is our reality coram Deo. Listen to the sermon as if it were your own obituary: it is. Judgement is now.

7. Rising. The sermon is your own obituary – it is also the announcement of your own re-birth. The preacher has been likened to a surgeon; he is also a midwife. If the first reaction to the sermon is recoil, the ultimate response is “Rejoice!” – and pass around the cigars! The non-people are a new people! Resurrection is now!

8. Serving. One who hears the Word but does not do the Word has not heard the Word. George Herbert said that “sermons are dangerous things; that none goes out of church as he came in.” “Pastor,” said the worshipper, “what a wonderful sermon!” “That,” replied the preacher, “remains to be seen.” When the liturgy is over, the leitourgia begins: your ministry of reconciliation and liberation.

9. Persevering. Once you belong to a church, the only grounds for leaving it are heresy or apostasy. Lousy preaching, alas, is not a status confessionis! Besides, God does not speak only from the pulpit, he speaks in the readings, prayers, creeds and communion. Bear with your preacher – he may be a cross sent for you to bear! – and make him a better preacher by being a better listener...

9.5. ...though Heckling might help too!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Now this is Life!!!

What a great holiday it was to be at the cabin, we enjoyed swimming, boating tubing, a bit of wakebarding and was great...Sasha loved the boat which should be good influence for grandpa to keep it fixed...

But like all great things, there is always a tired period and a time to end them...

So I am back in Hepburn back into the mix of things, feel free to drop by give me a call or email...peace...

Monday, July 10, 2006

ahh good times!

We are on Holiday's soo posting will be a bit less now! We had a great weekend in Calgary, it was great to see Jess and Tash again, our good friends, they are sweet, also played hockey twice at the Olympic Oval which was sweet, even though the competition was less then amazing or good or could even skate it was still fun...thanks Jesse for getting me to play.

The Conference was good also, had its moments and it was and is always good to connect with other men and women in ministry. Calgary also gave us a great visit to IKEA from which we are now proud owners of a KING size bed~!~ YEAH... anyways I am off to enjoy my holidays!!! Peace yalll! (thats right I said yall)

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Congratulations Grads of 2006!

Well they did it!~! The Graduating Class of 2006 was my gr. 9 class when I arrived in Hepburn...There has been some solid memories over these 4 years...
Congratulations you Guys!!